prolixfootle: (footleloop)
[personal profile] prolixfootle
So, hey!  How’s everything going with you?  Hope things’re going well with you and yours.  I know everyone has their own trials and tribulations, but I hope yours are minor and easily managed, and, if not, I hope you have the help you need to cope and conquer.  And I’m here and willing to listen if you need to talk.

And me?  Everything’s fine with me.  Great.  Just peachy.

Thus concludes the polite fiction portion of tonight’s missive.  Although the first paragraph was a true and honest representation of my worldview and my desire and willingness to help anyone who needs it, what follows is the stuff I’ve been… what?  Reluctant?  Unwilling?  Embarrassed?  Exhausted?  Some all-encompassing term that sends all that through a Cuisinart and distills it down to one spoonless black dog of a feeling.  And I really do appreciate that people have their own burdens to bear, which is why I recommend, even encourage you to go back to the second paragraph and stop reading there.  I understand, I really do,
and no grudges will be held.

If I haven’t warned you off, I just want to start out by saying that I’m not looking for sympathy or pity or anything like that.  I just need to mark a point in my life, create some kind of record for myself, and this is the closest thing I have to a personal journal.  So, on we go.

As many of you know, or may not know (I can’t remember who all’s been told or what I’ve written about), I’ve been having a series of health issues.  Some are lifestyle related, some are genetic, some appear to be pure bad luck.  Sleep apnea, chronic depression, type 2 diabetes, PACs I’ve been dealing with for well over a decade.  The Crohn’s diagnosis was in 2012.  Atrial fibrillation and congestive heart failure happened on June 22.  I remember the date specifically for reasons that will become apparent shortly.

A brief overview of my experience with Crohn’s:  although I was officially diagnosed in 2012, I realized that I’d actually been experiencing symptoms for many years.  Once I was diagnosed, I went through a number of treatments over the course of two years.  In 2014 the Crohn’s became relatively severe, so severe that they finally put me on a biologic.  Also, so severe that I had to apply for FMLA, which basically protects your employment during 3 months of unpaid leave during any 12 month period.  This allows you to deal with any number of familial and health related issues.  So, in mid-2014 I first applied for FMLA.  In 2015 I recertified.  Towards the end of 2015 and the beginning of 2016, I was seeing some improvement on the Crohn’s front, but felt it would be best to have the FMLA in place just in case something happened.  So on June 23rd I spoke with the Human Resources Manager at the Middling Large Lumber Retailer’s Corporate Office and asked that she send me the recertification paperwork so I could get it to my doctors to complete.  On June 24th, after nearly 27 years of employment, I was terminated without notice.

That is why I remember the date of the diagnosis – it was two days before I was fired for asking to recertify the FMLA eligibility.

To wrap up this segment of my vociferous lament, everyone I spoke with said the way that the Middling Large Lumber Retailer’s Vice President In Charge Of What I Did went about terminating me sounded hinky, so, after a random internet search, I contacted a legal beagle, who turned out to be the wrong type of legal beagle for my situation, but who put me in contact with an appropriate counsel collie and I am now pursuing a discrimination suit.

To round out the medical portion of tonight’s program, the a-fib isn’t responding to the medication (which is exacerbating the Crohn’s symptoms, BTW, as well as causing horrible nightmares and making it increasingly difficult to leave the house), so someday soon I have to go in for an electrical cardioversion procedure.  Shocking, I know!

One thing I’ve discovered is that I’m ill-suited to being unemployed.  The anxiety that being financially unstable has caused has translated into frequent insomnia, which translates into fatigue and lethargy, which makes everything just that much worse.  And since it’s unlikely that I’ll be hired for a job that would allow me to apply for FMLA the first thing off the bat, I’ve applied for Social Security Disability.  And that brings on its own emotional cascade of failure, embarrassment, worthlessness and pathos.

And as a brief aside, I’d really like to know how they figure the amount of unemployment insurance a person gets.  Because the amount that they’re giving me isn’t covering the bills I have.  By a significant amount.

Other things that are concurrently occurring are:

My parent’s health, which is deteriorating.  Dad is now in a long-term care facility.  Mom has stopped driving due to advanced neuropathy in her legs, and now has to be chauffeured everywhere.  She also just had shoulder replacement surgery, from which she is recovering adequately, and for which she starts physical therapy tomorrow (or, more accurately, later today).

I’ve also been tangentially embroiled in a legal issue between my parents and one of my siblings, which, with all due respect to Martha Stewart, is Not A Good Thing.

The dwelling in which I live continues its obsession with becoming the House of Usher.  And, obviously, no one has the dosh to stop the decay.  So, there’s that to help keep things interesting.

There!  See, once it’s all written out it’s not that bad.  I’m sure I can deal with it.  And the alternatives my subconscious keeps throwing up aren’t really viable alternatives.

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