Making little kiddy zombies...
Jun. 16th, 2005 07:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prolixfootleI’ve been meaning to post something of substance lately – lord knows that hasn’t happened in a while. And there’s no guarantee that it’ll happen now either. But the ol’ noodle has been churning a bit, albeit sluggishly, so there’s always a chance… or perhaps I’ll just end up babbling incoherently for an indefinite period of time. Statistically, I believe the latter is more likely to occur.
I can’t remember if I mentioned it or not… I’ve started what’s been touted as a class in web page design. It’s actually a class in Microsoft’s FrontPage. But, since that’s the program I have, it suits me fine. Unfortunately, the instructor is the same guy who taught Photoshop… oh well. He tries. Really.
This morning, I was the topic of conversation on the Local Morning Radio Program. Apparently, I am wanted for meeting. Another listener called up and asked if I would b attending a recently announced event. A lively conversation ensued, wherein Mr. Patrick recounted the conversation we had about how I prefer to cower behind digital communications (my words – he was much nicer about it). Anyway, I seem to be developing a bit of a cult.
Actually, I went to see Mr. Patrick at a Live-Action Road Show this evening. I wanted to thank him for the nice things he said this morning, and to ask him to stop using my full name on-air (people at work also listen to the program and have started to realize it’s me that’s they’re referring to. I am almost positive that this would develop into Not A Good Thing®).
Anyway. Ms.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
morganaus had an interesting post today on the subject of self confidence. Great insights even if it’s kind of like reading a foreign language – you understand the words, but the meaning isn’t really clear. No… that’s not quite right. It’s more the concept that’s foreign – I don’t want to give the impression that morganaus’s writing is incomprehensible – far from it. It’s just that she’s writing about a topic to which I don’t relate well. And so the babbling begins (see, I told you)…
She also had an interesting little meme (which I believe I’ve taken before somewhen).
Colorgenics Mood Analysis Test Results:
Your colors: black, red, gray, green, blue, orange, yellow, lavender
Is it that you are working - or even playing - too hard? Because it would seem that you are experiencing a great deal of pent-up emotion at this time which could possibly take effect and lead to irrational behavior.
Everything seems to be going against you at this time. Try as you may you are meeting with considerable resistance at every turn. Nothing is going as you would plan. The situation is difficult and you are trying to persist in your objectives against resistance. It would appear that you are being very secretive about your future plans just in case people around you try to thwart you.
You are a rather inhibited sort of person. This could be the result of your upbringing or of your schooling, whatever. You are able to obtain satisfaction from various forms of physical or emotional activity but all in all you are inclined to be emotionally withdrawn. As a consequence of this you find it difficult to sustain any deep involvement.
Recent disappointment has led you to become truly introverted. You are becoming suspicious of everybody and consequently you now feel that you are unable to trust anybody. Unfortunately it would appear that you are curbing your natural enthusiasm and imaginative nature - perhaps this is because you are fearful that you may become over enthused and find that you could possibly be carried away by wishful thinking. You are keeping your distance to see whether attitudes towards you are sincere - but this watchfulness could easily develop into suspicion and distrust.
Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Think about it - and let go.
Very interesting. 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Might be true, but, at least to my way of thinking, that statement seems to conflict with empirical evidence, not to mention trend analysis…
As fair warning, this would be a good place to stop reading. If you decide to continue reading, please realize that this isn’t any kind of… plea for recognition or sympathy. It’s simply me jotting down some of my thought processes for my own edification in my journal.
So, speaking of irrational behavior… Someone recently asked me. “why did you stick with it?” referring to this purely hypothetical exercise in logic and the ideas expressed therein. In reality, this was part of a multi-part question, which I, with the deftness of a professional magician, countered with masterful misdirection, answering only the last part of the question (hopefully providing the assistance that was the gist of the matter) and completely ignoring the rest. I wasn’t trying to be dishonest or callous. It’s just that I knew that the answer would be… distracting and unhelpful… and wasn’t what was needed.
Why? Because I don’t know the answer. Things haven’t changed; my outlook and perceptions are all still the same. In fact, looking over that post, it sickens me how little has changed, how very, very little.
I have tried, in my own feeble way, to change things, only to find that the harder I try, the more things stay the same. And I haven’t discovered any panacea to alter my insights. I tried that route too, without success and wasting a considerable amount of time, money and effort in the process. I…
You know what? I don’t want to do this. It’s nothing but a lot of useless whinging that does no one any good. What it boils down to is that no one but me can make the changes that need to be made, and I haven’t a clue how to start them, let alone make them stick. And where does that leave things? I still don’t know.
I can’t remember if I mentioned it or not… I’ve started what’s been touted as a class in web page design. It’s actually a class in Microsoft’s FrontPage. But, since that’s the program I have, it suits me fine. Unfortunately, the instructor is the same guy who taught Photoshop… oh well. He tries. Really.
This morning, I was the topic of conversation on the Local Morning Radio Program. Apparently, I am wanted for meeting. Another listener called up and asked if I would b attending a recently announced event. A lively conversation ensued, wherein Mr. Patrick recounted the conversation we had about how I prefer to cower behind digital communications (my words – he was much nicer about it). Anyway, I seem to be developing a bit of a cult.
Actually, I went to see Mr. Patrick at a Live-Action Road Show this evening. I wanted to thank him for the nice things he said this morning, and to ask him to stop using my full name on-air (people at work also listen to the program and have started to realize it’s me that’s they’re referring to. I am almost positive that this would develop into Not A Good Thing®).
Anyway. Ms.
morganaus had an interesting post today on the subject of self confidence. Great insights even if it’s kind of like reading a foreign language – you understand the words, but the meaning isn’t really clear. No… that’s not quite right. It’s more the concept that’s foreign – I don’t want to give the impression that morganaus’s writing is incomprehensible – far from it. It’s just that she’s writing about a topic to which I don’t relate well. And so the babbling begins (see, I told you)…She also had an interesting little meme (which I believe I’ve taken before somewhen).
Colorgenics Mood Analysis Test Results:
Your colors: black, red, gray, green, blue, orange, yellow, lavender
Is it that you are working - or even playing - too hard? Because it would seem that you are experiencing a great deal of pent-up emotion at this time which could possibly take effect and lead to irrational behavior.
Everything seems to be going against you at this time. Try as you may you are meeting with considerable resistance at every turn. Nothing is going as you would plan. The situation is difficult and you are trying to persist in your objectives against resistance. It would appear that you are being very secretive about your future plans just in case people around you try to thwart you.
You are a rather inhibited sort of person. This could be the result of your upbringing or of your schooling, whatever. You are able to obtain satisfaction from various forms of physical or emotional activity but all in all you are inclined to be emotionally withdrawn. As a consequence of this you find it difficult to sustain any deep involvement.
Recent disappointment has led you to become truly introverted. You are becoming suspicious of everybody and consequently you now feel that you are unable to trust anybody. Unfortunately it would appear that you are curbing your natural enthusiasm and imaginative nature - perhaps this is because you are fearful that you may become over enthused and find that you could possibly be carried away by wishful thinking. You are keeping your distance to see whether attitudes towards you are sincere - but this watchfulness could easily develop into suspicion and distrust.
Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Think about it - and let go.
Very interesting. 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Might be true, but, at least to my way of thinking, that statement seems to conflict with empirical evidence, not to mention trend analysis…
As fair warning, this would be a good place to stop reading. If you decide to continue reading, please realize that this isn’t any kind of… plea for recognition or sympathy. It’s simply me jotting down some of my thought processes for my own edification in my journal.
So, speaking of irrational behavior… Someone recently asked me. “why did you stick with it?” referring to this purely hypothetical exercise in logic and the ideas expressed therein. In reality, this was part of a multi-part question, which I, with the deftness of a professional magician, countered with masterful misdirection, answering only the last part of the question (hopefully providing the assistance that was the gist of the matter) and completely ignoring the rest. I wasn’t trying to be dishonest or callous. It’s just that I knew that the answer would be… distracting and unhelpful… and wasn’t what was needed.
Why? Because I don’t know the answer. Things haven’t changed; my outlook and perceptions are all still the same. In fact, looking over that post, it sickens me how little has changed, how very, very little.
I have tried, in my own feeble way, to change things, only to find that the harder I try, the more things stay the same. And I haven’t discovered any panacea to alter my insights. I tried that route too, without success and wasting a considerable amount of time, money and effort in the process. I…
You know what? I don’t want to do this. It’s nothing but a lot of useless whinging that does no one any good. What it boils down to is that no one but me can make the changes that need to be made, and I haven’t a clue how to start them, let alone make them stick. And where does that leave things? I still don’t know.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
You know what?
Date: 2005-06-16 09:34 pm (UTC)You are more than welcome, whenever you want and for however long you want to stay.
Re: You know what?
Date: 2005-06-17 09:49 am (UTC)Ahem. No, I'm not hyper.
Seriously, changes of scenery are good for the morale. :)
What?
Date: 2005-06-17 02:06 pm (UTC)Re: What?
Date: 2005-06-17 02:41 pm (UTC)I mean, I don't get any vacation time either, but I haven't been working at my company for as long as you have been at yours (and I'm a temp, so I can ask for a day here and there when it's reasonable).
Your company sucks. I hope you find a new job soon. *crosses fingers*
Re: You know what?
Date: 2005-06-17 02:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-17 03:30 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-17 02:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-17 02:08 pm (UTC)I guess I find you interesting.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-17 02:09 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-17 02:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-17 02:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-17 02:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-17 01:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-17 02:04 pm (UTC)