The Journal of Prolix Footle

It has been suggested that I read the dictionary to you (you can thank lostdog). The problem is, which dictionary should I read? You see, I am a bit of a dictionary aficionado. I love obscure, archaic and underutilized verbiage. In fact, it’s due to a rather delightful dictionary that I initially stumbled upon LiveJournal…

Firstly, let me say that yes, I have actually read dictionaries before. For fun. If that doesn’t put me in the Geek pantheon somewhere, I don’t know what will.

I also collect dictionaries (I have an antique Funk and Wagnall’s that I inherited, a circa 1970’s Webster’s New Collegiate, as well as interesting gems like Forgotten English).

In addition to collecting physical dictionaries I also collect online dictionaries. I must have at least a score of them bookmarked at home, everything from Merriam Webster Online to The Klingon Dictionary. My favorite, however, remains the purview of the indomitable Dr. forthright: The Prontistery.

One of the first that I stumbled upon during my tenuous first steps into the wild and wooly world of the internet, it is chock-a-block with interesting words to satisfy the most ardent logophile. But it’s not only a dictionary. It also houses glossaries, lists, essays and, of more that passing interest to me, A Loquacious Location of Lipograms which includes an invitation to submit your own version of this stylized construct (which I did, of course, and which you can read here).

As I was wont to do lo those many years ago, I lurked, checking for updates and newly added definitions. Then one day I spotted a new link: the soon-to-be-doctor Forthright had acquired a LiveJournal!

And so I lurked some more (actually, checking the dates, It seems I lurked for an inordinate amount of time… over eight months!). During that time I was ‘introduced’ to all manner of interesting people: the cerebral f00dave and his gorgeous, belly-dancing spouse shanmonster, the captivating Mrs. Forthright (better known as curtana), the enchanting longpig, the ‘ultra-hoopy frood’ fearsclave. Finally, I gave in to temptation and in accordance with prophecy, sealed the doom of all humanity started my own journal.

From there the insanity spiraled out of control, until we arrive at what you see today. The insanity is directly attributable to certain other specific individuals, but I shan’t point any virtual fingers – at least not today…

OK, maybe just one: morganaus, instigator and model of friendfic slash.

All of which begs the original question: Which dictionary shall I read?

You have entered a new dimension, a dimension where time is warped and meaningless, a dimension of never-ending tedium and monotony; you have entered – THE ENDLESS WORKWEEK. De-de-DE-de De-de-DE-de….

Thank you, yes, thanks very much and welcome to My Own Private Hell. As I may have mentioned, this is the week of our Corporate Vendor Show. Consequently, the office has been nearly empty since Tuesday, and will apparently remain so until Monday. I have just found out that the majority of people who were at the Show (which officially ended at noon today) are going directly home. Lucky sots. Ah well, at least the phones are quiet too. I guess I’ll take the opportunity to fill in some of the tedious background that you have all been clamoring for. And so… ( The Secret Life of a Jester Primus )

Hmmm… I think that about wraps up the basic introduction. I’m sure that I’ve missed things, and will add other tidbits in the future. But that should give you a peek into the life of Prolix Footle. I go now to battle the Evil Operose Aeonian, and, hopefully, will vanquish it without undue effort. It shouldn’t take more than an hour. Wish me luck!